The Art of Slowing Down

 In a culture that equates speed and productivity with success, slowing down is a radical act of self-care and resistance. As it was once put so beautifully, “we are human beings, not human doings.” (Kurt Vonnegut) 

I hope we all agree, that we do not all get to co-exist on this rock planet orbiting a star in a galaxy of the infinite universe (WILD), just so we can make sure our profit margins of this year surpass last year’s projections…and whatever other corporate lingo you can think of…blah blah blah. 

Gaining awareness and creating a life that truly reflects the belief of life as sacred, of meant to be lived and experienced, recognizes the impermanence of life. Slowing down and taking time for yourself and your community, is a means of embodying that sacredness. 

And when we slow down and take time to just be and be present with ourselves, we can finally answer the question, “How are you doing?” 

I will never forget when a friend once shared with me her experience of facing this question when she least expected it. She was at her annual checkup, (yaaaas queen!) her PCP actually took the time to look her in the eye and ask her, “So…How are you doing?” – and she immediately broke down. Not because she was extremely depressed, but because she had been running so fast for so long, she couldn’t remember the last time she had asked herself that same question. 

If we want to know how we are really doing in life…it is essential to take a breath, pay attention, and see how we are actually doing…and by that I mean …..feeling. (C’mon, you’re on a therapist’s blog, I know you saw this coming.) 

Constantly moving at 100 miles an hour through life, with at least 20 tabs open on our computer, and another 20 tabs running in our head, means the last thing we’ll keep track of is our feeling in the moment, our actual lived experiences. We know this. 

We are living in a world where our attention has become a commodity, and there are countless mechanisms at play all trying to be the lucky winner of 

your ever shortening attention-span. The last thing I would want for myself or anyone, is to miss out on life, because we never really got to experience it in real time…because our mind was always somewhere else. 

So if you have been thinking about ways in which you can improve your ability to be present, and to be focused on one thing, (and one thing only!) allow me to throw out a couple of suggestions…. 

Beginner

1. Intentionally breathing deeply and slowly, focusing on nothing but your breath for one minute. If you notice your mind easily wanders before one minute is over, start with 30 seconds. And when your mind does wander, because it will, that’s okay – you have not failed this exercise. The goal is to teach your brain that it is ok to stay on one track, one line of thought, for a prolonged period of time. You will teach yourself this lesson every time you notice a wandering thought, and gently bring your attention back to your breath. Your brain will eventually learn this is safe and ok, and your attention span will slowly increase.
2. Take a moment (or longer if you can) to really focus on how the water feels against your skin while you’re doing the dishes, washing your hands, taking a shower, etc. Is it warm? Cold? Low or high pressure? Do we got any soap or shampoo in the mix? Is it all bubbly and yummy smelling? You get this jist. 

Intermediate

1. Eat a meal with zero distractions. That’s right, no scrolling, no answering emails/texts, no screens of any kind! Put down your utensil or your food if you’re holding it between each bite, to just focus on how your food actually tastes, and ask yourself, “am I enjoying this meal? Am I still hungry, or am I full?” (i.e. intuitive eating- and if you want to know more about that, check out intuitiveeating.org) 
2. Box breathing for 5 minutes. Box breathing is a breathing exercise in which you intentionally pause after each inhale and exhale. So you would inhale for 4….pause…exhale for 4…and pause again before your next inhale. Obviously the longer the duration of this exercise, the harder it is to stay focused. 

Expert

1. Take a minute, and try to gather all the details of your surroundings. Inside? Outside? Big and open? Small and cozy? Dimensions, objects, colors, sounds, temperature, etc. Take one minute to absorb a holistic perspective of your environment. Then, pick one detail, one point of focus, and focus on nothing other than your selected focal point for one minute. 
2. Take one minute to gather all the details of how your body is feeling…Are you hot or cold? Tired? Stressed? Relaxed? Does anything hurt or feel heavy or tingling? Numb? Try and notice as many physical sensations as you can for one minute. Then…you guessed it, pick one physical sensation, your breath is an easy one to go with, and focus on nothing other than that sensation for one minute. (*This exercise is particularly useful for anyone living with chronic pain. Improving your ability to center your attention on a physical sensation of your choice can help reduce or mitigate messages of pain.) 

Now, why am I giving you exercises to improve bodily awareness for emotional development? When you’re feeling an emotion, happy, sad, scared, annoyed – how did you know? What told you, you were feeling anxious? I’m sure we’ve all had a moment (yes, me included, therapists gotta work on this stuff too!) where we know we’re feeling something, but not 100% sure what exactly. The more we improve our detection of changes in our physical sensations, the better we will become in recognizing what is happening in our body to signal anger, joy, frustration, and thus improving our own emotional awareness. Plus, doing any of these exercises will most certainly help you calm your nervous system, so if nervous system regulation is on your mind, these exercises got your back! 

In case you didn’t notice, all of these exercises listed above are free! And can easily be done just about anywhere. 

Sadly, we also live in a world where having sufficient time for real self-care is becoming more and more of a privilege, a privilege too many of us cannot indulge if we’re going to make rent and put food on the table. So if you are still here and still reading (and by the way you look amazing, and I love your smile <3) and you are thinking, how can I possibly afford to slow down? Giving your mind and your body little moments of rest and connection throughout the day can go a long way. 

Do I hope and encourage you to see if there could be a way for you to have longer periods of rest woven into your weekly routine? Of course. But for now, if all you have is a couple of minutes, I challenge you: Do not reach for your preferred screen of doom (phone, laptop, tv, etc.) but give yourself a moment to practice connecting with your body, listening to what it’s telling you, breathe, and just be. You are worthy of the effort and the investment it takes to create a more meaningful existence in a world of endless distractions. I hope you take a moment right now to just notice and be, remember the miracle of life itself, and that one of those miracles…is you <3 

In Solidarity,